The Out of Town Mom
Your go-to source for all the advice on childcare, child behavior, household hacks, and quick recipes that you would ask your mom from moms and grandmas who still need to be needed.
To be very clear, our opinions and advice is just that. Knowledge gained throughout our lives from our mothers and grandmothers. We do not claim to be pediatricians or psychiatrists, just real-world parents.
Moms are held to a different standard than friends, acquaintances, co-workers and other family members. We give birth to the only thing in life that can devastate us as they grow up. From the moment we see their tiny hands clinging to our fingers, we become a mama bear vowing to protect them for the rest of their lives. Therein lies the problem. We wait in the wings to be needed, to be asked to share our wisdom and for them to know our heart is a soft landing spot for them.
Mom’s are people too.
Initially, I had the idea that if I could vent my frustration in writing, it would be a cathartic exercise, but as time went on, I realized I was not alone in what I was feeling. I had read story after story from mothers with the same frustration of being treated as if they knew nothing and their methods of parenting were not only antiquated but also no longer a valuable piece of wisdom passed down through the ages from mother to mother.
There are now new-age books, therapists, internet childcare experts (who have never had a child), and doctors who believe a child does not need nurturing, but rather life guidance from the womb. This did not sit well with me or any other mother I knew who was raised in the 1950s or 1960s. I, like so many other mothers, wanted to pass down all the knowledge I had learned from the mistakes I had made, as well as feeling that I had contributed to balancing another mother’s life, and that life would go on repeating itself with a support group of women helping the next generation balance home, work, and motherhood.
As a grandmother, the above saying was liberating in the 70s! It was a cigarette commercial, and it was a cigarette designed sleekly just for women! It also applies to many other aspects of life. Gone are the days of “children should be seen and not heard.” Nowadays, there seems to be an odd detachment between parent and child. I don’t know if it’s because the internet is available for questions they have in life or it’s just a sign of the times and the commitment and respect between a child and the parent no longer exists; or perhaps it is because the cost of living is so high, parents are busy trying to make ends meet and at the end of the day, they are exhausted and “June Cleaver” is just not emotionally available. Regardless of the reason, this site is my therapy! I decided I would fulfill my need to (s)mother as a grandmother by writing and communicating with other mothers on how to raise a well-balanced, mannerly, respectful child.
This site is has helped us laugh though letting go.
The Beginning
As I’ve grown older, I have realized that we are all “just people” going through life doing the best that we can, given the circumstances in which we were born. My sister and I were not raised with the most normal mother in the world. To be fair, our mother was raised in a very poor, dysfunctional family of alcoholics and didn’t have a lot to draw from in the parenting sector. This created an indelible imprint in our lives and resulted in us being the opposite of our mother. That is the positive that came out of living with a detached mother. Our mother was not warm, nurturing, positive or supportive. She was very negative and would be the first to tell you that your dream was a farce, your hair looked hideous, and you were getting fat. She did not attend school functions, did not support or encourage sports, friends or community activities. Essentially, she did not participate in any activities that were crucial for a child to be included in a small town. We wanted to fit in (I more so than my sister) and always felt like I was watching from the sidelines. The girls in my class hosting sleepovers, parents cheering on their kids at softball games, or watching the king and queen crowned at the dance. She never felt it was important to be involved in her children’s lives. Fortunately, we had aunts and uncles who allowed us to dream and believed in us.
App Access
Experience the fusion of imagination and expertise with Études Architectural Solutions.
It Takes a Village
In comparing life stories, one thing we all had in common was; we were raised by parents who taught compassion, empathy, manners and respect towards others. We did not talk-back in a disrespectful way to our parents, Why? Because there were consequences! Like living and not living! Just kidding, but that’s not such a long stretch. Our parents felt their jobs as a parent to very important in raising the next generation. Their children’s actions reflected upon them and their parenting skills. I can remember being with my grandma Ginny, and when seeing another kid throwing a fit or making a scene in public, she would always refer to bad parenting. Parenting was taken seriously, but was also very simplified. There were rules and you obeyed the rules. Unfortunately, because of the strictness, some rebelled and decided their kids would not have to live as they did, resulting in a new generation of people with no boundaries, no manners, and the actions of selfishness that they are the only person that matters. This has resulted in some very unhappy people who are searching for their purpose in life. For this entire blog to make sense, we would have to go back to the beginning.
The times, they are a-changing!
The positive: I wanted my children to grow up feeling positive about themselves, that they could accomplish anything they set their minds to. We had birthday parties, sleepovers, watched football games, cheered at the school functions, and were involved in PTA. My sister and I raised our children as close as cousins could be. We had picnics, went to amusement parks, county fairs, etc. Holidays were magical, the house was decorated, each room, Halloween, Christmas, the Easter bunny leaving baskets with gifts and candy. We attended church on Sunday, and Christmas Eve service was always special. I would look down the pew and swell up with love at having them all together. The love of your child supersedes any other love you’ve ever had in your life. I lived for every smile and hearing about their lives. Perhaps, this is why I’m taking this “empty nest, detachment” so hard. I know we are supposed to raise our children to be able to survive without us, but I cannot adjust to them no longer needing me at all. They are a part of me. I long to hear about their day, to share their lives in the small moments as well as the big. It hurts when I see an Instagram or Facebook post and learn they have been traveling or were being honored, but like I said at the beginning, mothers are held to a different standard. I sometimes think grown children don’t realize moms are human beings with feelings that get hurt or feel loneliness when they haven’t heard from them in months. I have heard the same response from many mothers when they have tried to address the desire to hear from their children. I have witnessed my daughter tell her brother, “Mom’s being dramatic.” I have to wonder why it’s not dramatic if her friends tell her they miss her, or if her brothers check in to see if she’s doing okay, but if her mother does the same thing, it is needy and dramatic. I often think about what I could have done differently to make them desire to hear from me, but I have yet to figure it out. We kiss their faces, wipe their tears, and think we are creating a safe haven of love, a closeness we would have throughout life. It’s a mystery.
Architectural Solutions
Experience the fusion of imagination and expertise with Études Architectural Solutions.
Cherish these Moments
Our comprehensive suite of professional services caters to a diverse clientele, ranging from homeowners to commercial developers.
Études Architect App
- Collaborate with fellow architects.
- Showcase your projects.
- Experience the world of architecture.
Études Newsletter
- A world of thought-provoking articles.
- Case studies that celebrate architecture.
- Exclusive access to design insights.
“Études has saved us thousands of hours of work and has unlocked insights we never thought possible.”
Annie Steiner
CEO, Greenprint
Watch, Read, Listen
No posts were found.
Join 900+ subscribers
Stay in the loop with everything you need to know.
